So I put my headphones on
Wednesday, 18th April, 2025, 5:10PM
Today, I woke up later than usual. I took a melatonin pill last night to help me sleep, but my cat had other plans, midnight zoomies until 2AM. Jumping on my head, ruining cardboard boxes. I woke up at 1PM. The first thing I did when I woke up was reach for my phone and see that Addison Rae released a new song.
Guess I gotta accept the pain
Need a cigarette to make me feel better
Every good thing comes my way
So I
So I put my headphones on
Listen to my favorite song
I’m still recovering from bronchitis, I’ve been sick for more than three weeks now. It’s been a very slow recovery process. But three days ago, I started going on walks around my neighborhood. With my headphones on, of course, and an intention to write down whatever surfaces afterward. I like this little ritual. I hope I’ll keep it up even after I’m better.
Today, I felt much more at peace with being outside than I did yesterday. My body and my mind didn’t feel so heavy.
Yesterday I had a bit of an existential spiral during the walk, feeling very uncomfortable with being in my mind, being in my skin and well, just being alive. I’ve been listening to music a lot during my recovery. I’ve listened to Björk and Robyn’s whole discographies and I love them now.
One thing I noticed—I walk really fast. Like “I’ve got somewhere to be” fast. I’m always rushing, I’m always restless. I had planned a longer route, and I was sure I’d been outside for 40 minutes… but I was only five songs into FKA twigs’ Eusexia when I finished the route. Clearly, my legs are trying to outrun something my heart hasn’t caught up to yet.
I always rush everything. I can never seem to slow down. But I want to.
I want to take it easy, take it nice, take it slow.
Because the only place I’m going right now is getting better,
and that can’t be rushed.
Today’s playlist starts with Addison Rae, of course.
Headphones On - Addison Rae
Walls Don’t Talk - Kai
Childlike Things - FKA twigs featuring North West
MTI - Koreless
REALiTI - Grimes
Send Me Out - Kelala
Champagne Coast - Blood Orange
Drinking eucalyptus tea now, xoxo
